To the Dentist, and Backward in Time

Ian had a dentist appointment last week.  I went with him.  He is more than capable of going out and about in the world by himself, but I volunteered to act as interpreter for him, and he was comfortable with that.  I did not think much of it.  Ian drives himself to college and around town.  He goes to the gym, he makes decisions on his education, and on many of the things in his life without our assistance.  He is, like any 21 year old, pretty darn independent and very set on ensuring his independence.  The only difference is that he also has to deal with his deafness and cerebral palsy.   Our community and our society for the most part has been pretty aware and pretty accepting of those who do have some disability.  We haven’t seen much ignorance or small minded thinking about disabilities in quite a while.

Then came the dentist visit.  

We arrived, Ian signed in and waited.  The dental tech came to the door, looked at Ian, then looked at me and asked, “Do I need to hold his hand to take him back?”  I think my jaw hit the floor.  And judging by the expression on Ian’s face, he had certainly read her lips.  The normally happy person that is my son was quiet and closed for the rest of the visit.  I did look at the tech and tell her that no, Ian did not need any help.  I explained that he was in college and quite capable of getting around and making decisions.  I explained that he was quite capable of doing what he needed to do without my help or her help or any help at all unless Ian asked for it.  She obviously wasn’t so sure.  I do not think she meant any harm.  I also don’t think she knew any better.

Ian isn’t confrontational.  I have a tendency to be more so.  However in this case, I did not think it would have been worthwhile.  I left the discussion at that, and bit my tongue.  Some people just aren’t capable of getting it.  The only way it can happen is them seeing the example.  She frankly didn’t seem like the brightest light bulb in the batch, and I’m not sure directly challenging her thoughts would have been something she could have processed at that time.  So we decided to avoid the confrontation.

After we finished and got home, Ian looked at me and told that he was deeply offended and wants to find a different dentist office.  I told him that I fully understood and that I was more than a little irritated myself.  I think we will check with our insurance and see what else we can go.

What is the next step for me?  Well, I’m supposed to educate folks about things like this.  I actually have a dental appointment for myself this week.  So, now that I’ve calmed down and had a chance to think it through, I’m going to talk to the office manager.  Surely, Ian is not the only person they service who has a disability.  I’m going to express how insulting it was and that Ian is ready to move to a different dentist and that we are looking to do so.  I also am going to ask if they have ever done any kind of disability awareness training for their staff or discussed what appropriate protocols are in the office.  I am going to suggest that they need to do that.  I will even offer to do such training.  I am also going to explain that there is, even if it is small, an economic impact to a business that doesn’t show basic respect to people who have a disability.

We will see what happens. On the positive note, this kind of thing seems to have become pretty rare – at least in Ian’s world.  The negative thing is that it still does happen.  In many ways I look at Ian as something as an ambassador or an explorer.  He is going places and opening doors by interacting with the world for those who follow, just as he is following those who have come before him.  With each new traveler on the path, the perceptions change, the understanding in the general population expands, as does its acceptance.  Ian’s world was made easier by those with disabilities who demanded to be treated as equals.  Hopefully, the world of those who come after Ian will be made easier by his passage down the roads he travels.  It just takes time, education, and experience for things to change.