Children Driving Miss Daisy

Hi Everyone, 

What follows is actually an article I wrote a while back when our son, Ian, learned to drive.  The issue of independence came up again in a discussion with a parent, and in talking through their fears, I thought about this article.  With that in mind, I thought it was reasonable to go ahead and print it here now.  I believe it expresses my beliefs about fostering independence pretty well.  And by the way, as you read, think about this.  Ian drives himself to the local community college every week and to events around town.  He seems to be a pretty good driver, based on reports I get from folks who see him driving and know the car.  The independence is invaluable to him….  Anyway, now let us now get on to the blog.   – Mark

No, I’m not talking about the movie.  I am talking about the current status of our family.  And I seem to have fallen into the role of Miss Daisy….

The last year has been an adventure in driving.   I have also lost control of my car.  You see, over the past year, our son has been learning to drive.  While that may not seem to be anything worth noting, what is worth noting is that Ian is deaf and has cerebral palsy.    Oh, and two weeks ago, he passed his behind the wheel test and is now a licensed driver.

So why is this important?  Simple.  The reality of our world is that we are all tied to our cars.  Much of our independence is linked to our ability to travel from our homes to our jobs to the store and to any other place we need to go.  Just think, how would you survive your day if you were not able to drive?  It wouldn’t be easy, would it? 

As parents, as our children grow up, isn’t one of our jobs to help them to be as independent as they possibly can?  Aren’t we responsible to help our children develop the skills they need to live as adults?  We ask the schools to educate the children and give them the tools to be successful in life.  Don’t we as parents share that responsibility to do what we can to prepare our kids?

While it may be scary, truth be told, learning to drive is a major step towards independence for a teenager or young adult.  This is especially true if the child has a disability.  Now obviously, not every person can drive.  Sometimes the disabilities involved create enough of an impact on the skills needed to drive to make it impracticable.  But if your child is able to learn to drive and physically can safely drive, disability or not, then earning a license should be a goal for your child.

As a parent, I know it is scary enough to put a 16-, 17-, or 18-year old behind the wheel.  It is sometimes even scarier to sit next to them.  But don’t let your fears impede their independence.  I am amazed at how many parents I meet don’t want their teenage/young adult children having anything to do with driving because there is a disability of some kind involved, yet their teenager/young adult is perfectly capable of driving.  I’ve heard it from parents of children who are deaf, from parents of children that are autistic, from parents of children with CP, from parents of children who are AD/HD, etc., etc., etc…. 

Was learning to drive an easy process?  NO!  It took work on Ian’s part and on our part.  First, he had to learn the rules of the road and pass the Learner’s Permit test.  It wasn’t easy.  I find the driver’s manual difficult to read myself.  It was hard for Ian.  Then trying to take a written test was more difficult.  Several tries in, he had not passed it.  However, we requested an interpreter to sign the test to Ian, and lo and behold, he passed it easily.  It was a communication issue, not one of knowledge.  It was also amazing at how easy it was to get him to study that particular subject.

Next came about a year of practice.  And we did practice.  We started small, in an area where a developer had put roads and signs in, but due to the economy, had not built any houses.  That way, there wasn’t anything to hit.  The first time he accelerated from a stop, I thought I was involved in a shuttle launch from the g-forces pushing on me.  Ian then informed me that it wasn’t as easy as driving a go-cart at the local place in town. 

After about 10 or 12 practice sessions in that protected area, we were ready to move to the neighborhood street.  I did not tell Ian that I had made that decision.  We practiced for a bit, and then I had him stop at the stop sign on the road leading out.  He asked me what to do, and I said go out.  His response was ‘Out there?!?!?”  Ian actually has done quite well.  We took it slow, starting with little 25 mph streets and progressively moving up.  We did US 1 for the first time at about 7:00 AM on a Saturday.  I-95 was done at 6:15 AM on a Sunday morning.  All times when there was little traffic.   Getting up on the weekends wasn’t fun, but it was something that we had to do.  As his skills improved, so did my confidence in our survival and my car’s survival.  Over the summer, we enrolled Ian in the county’s teenage defensive driving class – a fantastic experience.  They even put them on a wet track to teach them about hydroplaning.  Every child working on their license should go through such a course.  This school year, when I’m on campus, Ian will usually drive me home during rush hour on US 1.  I’m comfortable enough with his skills.  Further, I wanted him to experience this with me, so there is some guidance available if necessary.  That first trip I had to remind myself to breath.  Now, no issues at all.

Two weeks ago Ian took his road test at the DMV.  He passed, and they did not cut him any slack.  He had to pass the same test as everyone else - just as it should be.  Now, he can drive independently to his grandparents’ house about a mile from us.  (It is amazing how many reasons he finds to go down there.)  Probably next week I’ll start sending him to CVS to pick up some small things – it is close, but on US 1.  After that a little further.  And a little further after that until he is going where he wants and needs to go, and I’m not a nervous wreck.  The goal is that by next fall he will be able to drive to the community college or the technical college either here in St. Augustine, or if necessary, up in Jacksonville. 

But in the end, he will be independent enough to get where he needs to go for his future.

Transition Prep

As we move into spring, I start getting a lot more queries about transition, and that move out of school into the ‘real’ world.  So now would be a good time to talk about transition issues.

First, you cannot wait until second semester of a student’s senior year to think about transition.  If that is your case, you need to get moving now!  Many adult services require evaluations and often, going on a service list, and waiting for your turn. You want this process underway or completed (depending on the agency) before your child finishes school. 

Remember, you are moving out of the world of the school being responsible for services and into the world of the now adult child being responsible for requesting services.  There are many kinds of services, everything from Vocational Rehabilitation to Social Security to Agency for Persons with Disabilities, to various group homes to all kinds of other supports.  But you cannot expect a child to walk out of school one day and right into services the next day as an adult without some pre-planning. Also, many of these services interlock and are designed to work together with one another to create a safety net for the now adult with disabilities.  Let’s look at an example. 

Vocational Rehabilitation, for instance, can be extremely beneficial with providing services for a transitioning student with disabilities.  You should be in touch with them sometime during the second semester of the student’s junior year.  There is an evaluation process, and a waiting list for services based on the degree of disability.  You want to get on that list as soon as possible.  VR can be very helpful in setting up college services or helping with jobs placement and/or training.  Also, there is means testing to determine financial levels of support from the agency.  It would be wise to set up that appointment and discuss options with a VR counselor far enough in advance to allow your child to prepare accordingly.

While this is just one example, the same applies to many other agencies  You don’t really want to leave school, only to find that necessary services are not available because you and your now young adult did not take the time to pre-plan and set them up.  Get started now on the planning.  It will make for a much smoother transition for everyone.