A question that comes up often from parents when I’m doing a workshop is ‘how do I do what I need to do for my child with special needs and still a fairly normal home and family life? Is it even possible? The answer is yes, it is possible, and while there are changes in your and your family’s life when you have a child with special needs, it is still possible to have a pretty normal family life.
First, some caveats need to be given. Every family situation is different and every person is different. This means that there really is no truly ‘normal’ family, but really what works for you and your family. Try not to compare to the Joneses next door. Understand that when you have a child with a disability, sometimes you have to do more planning and adjust your schedules a bit more and realize that you may have some different limits on what can be done on a given day. The truth is that no family – not even that ‘perfect’ family down the street really can do everything without give and take in their schedules.
While it takes some planning and thinking on your part, you can still have an ‘adult’ life. If you went out with your spouse or with friends, you still can. You just have to plan to make sure that you have appropriate coverage at home. Family or close friends can be helpful here. They can often be responsible babysitters who care about you and are willing to go that extra mile to help with a child with a disability. With family, who knows, they may even keep a child overnight to give you a break. It is ok to use them for this. Some parents feel guilty for going out. You should not. You need that break. It will help you relax and possibly be a better parent. Plan, ask for help. You have permission – it is ok to do so. Many of your family or friends would probably jump at the opportunity to help.
With some pre-planning, you can also participate in family activities like vacations. We’ve talked about that previously in other blog articles. We travel extensively. It is important to our family, and we know other families with children with disabilities who travel often as well. Again, it takes planning and sometimes a thick skin, and a willingness to be flexible as you schedule, but there is few reasons or issues that you cannot work around with some planning and thinking through the ‘how’. Often travel can be eye-opening for everyone in a very good way.
The same is true with other family activities locally. With planning, children and families can go out to eat, participate in activities and events, participate in school activities, you name it. It is possible. Don’t write it off or get so wrapped up in all the negatives that you lose sight of the possibilities. Think through the problems and look for answers and solutions. Remember not to try and compare your family to others. Instead, ask yourself if you are doing things that you and your family enjoy doing. Do those things make you and your family happy? Are you finding ways to have some time for yourself or for you and your partner? If you are, then guess what? You are having a ‘normal’ family life….
