I am very troubled by those who believe that they and only they know what is right for everyone else. I’m even more troubled when those folks try and force their beliefs on others. Whether it is a TV preacher with bad hair and dimples who wants you to send him all your money, or the Tea Party, or one of the dozens of other groups that think they and only they have all the answers and are unwilling to listen to alternatives, I just don’t trust them. The world and people in the world are just too complex for a single answer. That only one person or one group has been awarded some special providence to know that answer just isn't reality in the complex world we live in. Now I do NOT believe these folks to evil, or filled with harmful intent, but I do find them to be misguided. It is easy, however, to fall into the trap of believing that you have the answers.
In the world of deafness, I keep running into some of what I described above. It is not pervasive by any means, but there is this undercurrent that keeps raising its head and really needs to stop. Again, it isn’t in the mainstream, but exists on the fringes, but it has the nasty habit of overflowing the fringe and dropping right on the heads of families that are trying to do the right thing for their child who is deaf or hard of hearing.
Let me be clear – the vast majority of the people involved in this community are good people who will and do go the extra mile to help families who are trying to make hard decisions. They will give opinions and thoughts and experiences, without judgment.
So what exactly am I babbling on about? Well, it is the wonderful communication modality debate. I’m still amazed that there are still people in this community believe that there is only one way that someone should be allowed to communicate, and if a family makes a different choice, the parents are ‘the devil’. This is a topic that has a history that you could write books about, and this history heavily impacts some of these beliefs. On one side, you have the Deaf world, and the centrality of American Sign Language to that very rich culture. Inside that world exists a segment of people in that world who believe that everyone with hearing loss should use ASL to the exclusion of all else. On the other side you have people who believe that the only way for people who are deaf to truly integrate and be successful in the world is to be oral. And in the vast middle are all those who just want to see children to communicate successfully and do what they can to help the child be successful.
In my travels, I still do run across those on the Deaf World side that demand ASL only for everything. However, these people are few and far between. I did have one small group at a silent dinner a number of years ago tell me, in all seriousness, that if I wanted to do what was best for my son who is deaf, it would be to give him up to a deaf couple and let them raise him. Again, they were the exception, not the rule in the deaf community.
On the other side of the coin, however, I’m running into far more of the ‘true believers’ these days. People who are preaching that cochlear implants and oralism are only real way for children to be successful and those who sign are the ‘failures’ in the world. Once again, nothing can be further from the truth.
Let me be clear – cochlear implants are wonderful tools. When a child is implanted early, the implant takes, and the child receives the appropriate long term therapy and follow up to learn how to use the device and maintain it, they can and do produce wonderful results. I see many children and adults where the device has been a godsend. However there are also those children where the implant does not work right, or is rejected, or the child cannot or does not receive the appropriate supports. There are also many people with hearing loss who simply would not qualify for an implant. What I am saying here is that cochlear implants are a wonderful tool, but again, not the right choice for every person or child who is deaf or hard of hearing.
The same is true for the oral approach. There are successes, and there are also children who will never learn to function in the world using only their speech. I do not condemn that method, I just think that parents need to be fully aware that there are issues and potential pitfalls, and the possibility that this approach will not be successful for a child and parents need to understand this as well.
The bottom line is that whether you choose to sign, or choose to be oral, or get or do not get a cochlear implant, there is no one truly right decision, and whatever decision a family chooses, there will be pitfalls and problems, successes and failures. Whatever methodology a family chooses, it will be hard work.
Finally, when making decisions, don’t let the true believers and the holy warriors push you or bully you into making a decision that may not be right for your child. I’ve seen people tell families that their child will never be accepted anywhere but the Deaf World, so they need to only sign, I see cochlear implant centers telling families that they are forbidden to ever sign, and I see people on the oral-verbal side tell families that if their children don’t talk, they are condemning them to a second class life. Parents, you have to decide. Eventually your child will decide for him- or herself. There is no truly right answer, no matter what anyone tells you. The only answer that is right is what actually works for that child. I see adults and children all the time that are happy, successful people who use a mix – to varying degrees - of fluent sign language, spoken word, and cochlear implants.
Parents, be open to all options. Make choices based on your child and his or her needs. Don’t be guilted or pushed into a choice. Do what you think is right for your child. And the truth is, there is no reason you cannot mix and match the options available to get the best out of your child in all areas of communication. So be true to what you see as your child’s needs and go with it.
As both a parent and a professional, I know I will support YOUR decision, and others should as well.
