You can get run over crossing the street in
front of your house. You might not make
it home in your car today. The reality
is that the world is full of risk. One
of the great fallacies in life is that you can eliminate risk. The truth is that risk is part of life every
day. The illusion of control and removal
of risk is created by our level of comfort in either dealing with, accounting
for, or accepting the levels of risk that occur in our lives on a daily
basis. However, when something new is
introduced into the equation of everyday life, it is possible that suddenly,
the comfortable pot of soup is stirred, and often, risk is reintroduced, and
with it, an element of concern and possibly fear.
What introduces that element of risk back
into our comfortable, well managed lives?
Several things can. In my world,
as in, possibly, many of yours, it was the introduction of a child with several
disabilities. Suddenly things that were
manageable risks, unthought-of, are raised to the level of serious
concern. The desire to protect the
child, to ensure that the child’s needs are met and that it has the
opportunities to be safe, protected and live a good life reigns. Another factor that can add that element of
risk is putting yourself or your family in new situations that you are not
familiar with, or that have an inherent element of risk that you are not
familiar with. As you can guess, those
two particular factors do not often mix well.
So what do you do in trying to raise a child
with a disability and still manage risk?
Do you hide the child away, say, ‘you can’t….’ until the child begins to
believe that he or she really ‘can’t’?
In my mind, that is a dangerous concept for any child, and positively
deadly for the future of a child with a disability. I want that child believing that he or she
‘can’ in all circumstances. If you
believe you can, you will try. You will
be less likely to quit or give up. You
will continue to strive to succeed.
Believing ‘you can’t’ means the child will be more apt to not even
bother, or just assume there is no use to trying. Or, if the child does try, he or she is more
willing to quit at the first hiccup in the process. In other words, you are
setting that child up to fail.
As a parent, you must remember that the risk
in most activities is manageable. This
is not an issue of the child succeeding or failing on every attempt in an
activity, but in providing that margin of safety that lowers the risk to a
level that is acceptable, no matter if the child is successful. The idea is to give them the same
opportunities as everyone else, while reducing the additional risks that
disabilities create.
The trick to this is to be creative and to
plan. I’ve mentioned this before, and
will mention it again now. Do not assume
that there is no way for your child to participate. Spend time and do your homework. Problem solve, and talk to people who know
about the activity. Here are two quick
for instances: When Ian and I went to
Yellowstone, there were two activities that we wanted to do. One was a back country horseback ride. The other was whitewater rafting. Now, Ian is willing to try any activity. But before we go, I researched groups and
called and talked to them when we were ready to schedule. I explained about Ian’s disabilities and
about his abilities. In both cases (and
honestly, in almost every case where we have done some adventure in his life),
the professionals involved had some experience and had ideas and a willingness
to make the activity work. Those people
want folks to experience the enjoyment they get. They are enthusiastic and will try. For instance, the whitewater rafting group
told me that they had done many trips taking children and adults with
disabilities. As long as they know in
advance, they can plan. In Ian’s case,
there was a safety boat in the water with us.
They had an extra staff member who Ian could use for stability while
climbing down the steep, crumbly bank to the put in point on the Yellowstone
River. Ian (and everyone else) had
enough flotation equipment on to float an elephant and helmets. And for an exceptionally rough section of
rapids, Ian sat in the middle of the raft where he was able to hold on to a
rope. As we moved into less challenging
rapids, he shifted out to the side where he could paddle, but was directly in
front of me where I could grab him if necessary. He had a ball. He also almost fell out on the last
rapid. I caught him by his legs and
pulled him back in. The safety boat was
moving in towards us as well, just in case.
The big thing through all of it
was Ian, who always believes he ‘can’.
In the case of the horseback trip, I told
them that we use sign language and that due to Ian’s cerebral palsy, he has a
tendency to be a bit strong with his heels.
The outfitter’s response was that they have had deaf groups ride and
also work with the special needs community in that area, so they could make it
work. The big issue was simply selecting
a horse with the temperament that would be ok with a strong heel and would be
fine with hands waving around. That trip
went perfectly. Ian enjoys riding, is
comfortable around horses, and is actually pretty good at it anyway, so it was
an easy fix to allow him to do.
My point here is that there is risk
everywhere in life. It is in the things
we take for granted and the things we are unsure of. We have a tendency to disregard the risk in
the things we take for granted and to overemphasize it in the things we are
unsure of. Unfortunately, so many of the
things that surround raising a child with disabilities lead us to be
unsure. Try to figure out that balance
between risk and trying. Figure out as a
parent how to manage that risk in ways that will let your child try and
do. Don’t let the fear of risk eat you
alive. The last thing I want to see in
any child is that he or she believes that he or she ‘can’t’.
