Are You Henry II?

On July 6, 1189, Henry II of England, possibly the greatest of all the English kings, died in Chinon, France.  At the age of 56, after 35 years as the ruler of the Angevin Empire, an empire that stretched from Scotland and Ireland south to the Mediterranean Sea, he died exhausted, ill, and alone, deserted by his family and friends and finally defeated by his son Richard Coeur De Leon (we know him as the Lionheart) and the Phillip II of France.  His final words were, “Shame, shame on a conquered king”.

Henry, you see, had a particular trait that helped him create and control his empire, but also planted the seeds of revolt with his sons and his wife, Eleanor of Aquitaine.  Henry was, without putting too fine a point on it, a control freak.  All historical indication are that he cared for his sons, awarding them lands and titles, but was never able to truly let them begin rule those fiefdoms.  Over time, his inability to adapt to the growth of his children, to recognize the abilities of his children as adults, and to begin to let them have responsibilities equal to their stations in life at that time in their own rights helped lead to their rebellion. 

So, in many ways, Henry may have won the daily double as the ultimate Helicopter Parent of his age and professionally, as one of those folks who had a hard time adapting with change.  His responses with his family were often the same as they were with his vassal lords, exert his authority and strength.  As his situation changed vis-à-vis his children, he was unable to adapt to those changes.

So many of us who are parents have a hard time letting go and stop being helicopters for our children.  Too often we are struggling to protect them and don’t see the extent of their abilities.  We don’t give them the opportunities to become independent.  Even though it is so critical to our children’s long-term well being, and we know it, it is still so hard to hazard the risks that are entailed with that independence.  In many ways, there is a bit of Henry in all of us who parent children with special needs.  Like he did, we all see the risks of allowing our children to be independent.  Granted, the risks for Henry and the risks for us are far different in scale, but they are just as important to us as parents. 

I’m fully willing to admit that I continually fight my urges to helicopter.  It may be one of, if not the hardest thing I’ve done.  I’m sure I am not the only one out there who deals with this issue.  But, as parents, deal with these issues we must.  Don’t be Henry and wind up with a palace revolt on your hands….

Professionally, change happens.  Henry had a hard time with this and did not adapt well.  Eventually, his business plan for holding his empire failed him.  This is a bit of a lesson to the wise.  For those of us in education, the world is constantly changing.  The paradigms that educators live under are undergoing change at all levels.  Everything from funding to work rules to what makes a child or school or a teacher successful is in transition.  Stress levels are high.  Work on bringing those stress levels down.  Do the things you can to create positive change when you can (and there are many ways, at many levels, from your influence on your students up to being involved politically advocating for your beliefs in educational policy), remember why you got into education in the first place, accept the things that you cannot change in the short-term (this does not mean you cannot work for change in the long-term), and try not to lose sleep over change.  Change does happen. We all must adapt because the truth is that the only constant in life is change.  Sometimes it is good, other times bad, but change will continue to happen.  Don’t fall into the trap Henry did.  Adapt, and find ways to prevent the stressors from driving you nuts.

So, parents and professionals, be flexible and adaptable.  What else can we do but keep trying to make the best decisions possible and to move forward?  Truthfully, not much….  But as we stay open to change and to possibility, we all allow ourselves to make the best decisions possible at that time.  Will they all be right?  Probably we will screw up some of those decisions, because we are human and will make mistakes.  Remember, though, even when you do screw up, either as a parent or a professional, you have the ability to start again from that point and step forward, no matter what happened in your past.  Just remember to stay flexible and adapt.