In the IEP Meeting

I get many comments every year from parents who talk about how they hate going into an IEP meeting.  They talk about the sense that they are walking into the lion’s den unarmed and scared.  They talk about the feeling that they know what they want for their child, but are not sure how to effectively express those needs in a way that makes sense.  And they often talk about how they seem to ‘get lost’ during the meeting and walk away thinking about how they forgot to talk about a topic or topic they believe to be important.  So, as a parent, what can you do to help alleviate some of this?

First, make sure you arrive on time.  Arriving a little early is good, too.  This allows you to take a breath and acclimate to the surroundings.

Second, make sure that you have your notes and are organized when the meeting starts.  This will help you in many ways – it will help you find information quickly during the meeting, it will help you be an active and effective participant in the meeting, and it will help you make sure that you do not miss any topics or info that you want presented.

Third, STAY CALM.   Check your emotion at the door.  This is often the hardest thing to do.  I understand the meeting is stressful and is dealing with a very emotional topic, but if you can remain calm you can most effectively represent the needs of your child, your beliefs, the reasons for the beliefs, and discuss everything effectively.  Remember, IEPs are built not on emotion, but on facts and rational thought.  A person blowing up at others or in inconsolable tears is not someone that can work effectively with the group.

Fourth, if you have trouble saying calm, bring a family member, friend, or advocate that can help you and understands the needs of your child and the IEP process.

Fifth, do not go adversarial.  The IEP meeting (and the whole process) works best when you and the other members of the team can work together.  Will there be disagreements? Probably.  And if there are disagreements, say your peace.  But if you can keep those disagreements from becoming personal, then you have a better chance of working through them.  More times than not, you will be able to find a middle ground that will provide your child with appropriate services.  Not being adversarial also helps prevent the digging of trenches and hardening of the lines.  Yelling, screaming, and making accusations at the others in the room helps no one.   You want to keep the group flexible and willing to move.

Remember, the IEP meeting is part of an ongoing process to ensure your child gets an education.  Your IEP team is going to do its best to ensure your child gets appropriate services at school.  There is no real playbook – every child is different and presents a different set of issues that require a unique set of solutions.   Be an effective part of the team working to plan and setup those solutions.